Log in

Previous Entry | Next Entry

PTSD flare up

One of the hardest things about PTSD is how it flares up with little or no warning.

Anxiety, hypervigilance, and paranoia hit me hard last night as I was trying to sleep. Every noise amplified, every sound could be something bad happening. My mind went through unlikely scenarios like intruders getting in (Burglars, squirrels, etc), to wondering if I was just dreaming I was here and I was still trapped in my mom's house. The obvious logical explanation that the cats were having their 3 AM pounce fest all through the apartment remained elusively out of reach as I imagined in great detail all the horrible scenarios it could be.

Cue the memories of bad things that had been, complete with auditory, semi-visual, and scent hallucinations. That was when I realized okay, it's the PTSD, and started to do the EMDR techniques of tapping and breathing.

About four am I slept, then woke up from PTSD dreams several times until I woke up when Aus did for work at 7:30. I took some meds and then slept again til 11:30. Took a Klonopin, and tried to spnd as much of the day relaxing as I could to reset my system - but it's still a crap shoot whether or not I will sleep tonight.

I have lost friends over my 'inability to control' the symptoms of my PTSD. It can be inconvenient being friends with someone who might snap at any moment, who might cancel plans at the drop of a hat due to a bad night, etc. I get that.

But It irks me a bit that there are still those who just feel if we worked harder we could contain our symptoms entirely, or 'just get over it.' It doesn't work that way.

I had a pretty good, quiet weekend other than pain from my infected tonail. I was happy and relaxed when I went to bed. There were no signs that it was going to be that kind of night.

PTSD is a bitch. Some days, so am I. But if you ask you can find out why I'm feeling prickly and overwrought, instead of resenting that I am inflicting myself on the world.



( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
Oct. 4th, 2016 07:32 am (UTC)
I'm so sorry you had to deal with such a bad night. People who think that any sort of mental illness is something you can just control if you try enough are terrible. I hope you're feeling better now. Sending good thoughts your way.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )


me with gloves
L(aura) Cushing

Latest Month

February 2017


Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Tiffany Chow