Some good things happened today :

Unemployment released Aus's checks so we are non-broke again, yay!

I got a Rilo Kiley care package today - gatefold vinyl of the new album, 7 inch vinyl single (it's green!) of The Moneymaker / Dragging Around , promo cd (in the record) , and CD. Unfortunately my record player is currently buried under about three tons of books. I need to dig it out someday so I can listen.

Bad part of the day was Jeanette deciding she needed a sandwich from WaWa now that I had money again, and then kicking a hole in my door (and knocking the shelf off the back of it in the process) when I wouldn't come out and stop writing to take her 'right right now!'. I swear sometimes they're regressing. Anyone want a teenager or three? They're so dreadful. Needless to say, I didn't go get her a sandwich after that behavior - which made her scream at the top of her lungs about how not fair it was, because I 'made her do it' by 'not coming out right away'.

The sinuses feel like they may be getting better - I can breathe sometimes now, though the headache and pain in the face are pretty bad a lot of the time.

Saturday's my niece's wedding - which I still don't want to go to. It's two hours away from home and taking place at 11 am.

My car window problem fixed itself - apparently, whatever glitched in the window unglitched and we were able to roll it up. Not taking any chances by rolling it down again.

Three concerts that I'm going to try and go to coming up - Rilo Kiley ( Sept 25th at the Trocadero in Philly) , Ozma ( Sept 28 at the Starland Ballroom in Sayerville, NJ) and Ozma again ( Oct 1st at the Electric Factory in Philly). RK is a headlining show - Ozma is opening for Blue October and Yellowcard. If anyone in the area wants to come with us, let me know and you can come along with - especially if you're willing to drive, 'cause I sooo hate the driving in the city.

For Aus's birthday, we ordered some pizza and tooled around all day. We played a lot of Guitar Hero II - I graduated from Slowest, to Slower, to Slow... and finally tried a song at regular speed. And pretty much sucked at it, haha. But at least I didn't get booed off the stage or anything.

Tomorrow I need to take Steve for his last VIP class, and then drop Aus off at school for his classes. He seems to like school, which is good. I asked him what he learned, and I didn't understand a lot of it because it was technical, but it sounded like he was learning good things so yay.

I also need to write my review of the Surfing with the Alien dvd tomorrow, and send those email questions out to Voltaire.

The news reports have been coming in all day about the Fort Dix plot. Terrorists planning to buy weapons, to kill US soldiers. Islamic extremists on a jihad. The news reports showed police bravely bursting into the ordinary looking homes where these terrorists hid among us, and court sketches of bearded foreign men being arraigned for their crimes. They talked about how lucky we were that this was caught in time.

The names of the six arrested men were given - only one of which was familiar to me. Agron Abdullahu, who is the older brother of one of my son's best friends. Agron, 24, who can often be seen outside his family home working on cars with his brothers. Who checked out our groceries at the local ShopRite. Who, along with his family, was Albanian-born but now a US citizen. The others arrested, but not Abdullahu, were charged with plotting to kill soldiers in an armed attack on Fort Dix using a variety of weapons including automatic machine guns and semiautomatic rifles. Abdullahu was charged with aiding and abetting the Duka brothers' illegal possession of weapons.

When you see a news report about terrorists and terrorism, it is easy to buy into the fear mentality. I heard this all day long around the neighborhood - how frightening that this had happened so close to home, how we are not safe in our own backyards, how such a monster who would kill US soldiers could have hid in plain sight among us.

When I read Bill Bradley's book not long ago, one of the things he said that stuck with me is that we must realize that every case of terrorism is not the same. We have to stop waving the fearful banner of 'terrorism', and realize that each of these situations is unique. These were not men funded by an international terrorist organization. None of them were even from the Middle East - they were Eastern Europeans.

Steve's friend has spoken to him about his childhood during the Yugoslavian wars - how he'd come to America at the age of five, but before that, he'd lived where they'd seen bodies rotting in the street on a daily basis. Walking by bodies with their eyes gouged out, or the heads pulped, putrifying in the streets. According to the news, Agron had been a sniper in Kosovo. He would have been little more than my son's age, fourteen, at the time. Growing up like that among the bodies and the shooting and the war - you have to wonder what that does to a developing mind. What a child absorbs from that, and how that contributed to whatever mindset he got into that made him want to be a part of this plot.

On the news reports, they show the door to the Abdullahu house as the police raid it in the middle of the night in their riot gear. What they do not show - what they do not say - is that Agron was not living there alone. He was not living there with other terrorists - he lived there with his family, who likely had no indication whatsoever of the activities he was involved with. Imagine the terror a mother, a father, brothers as young as junior high age feel as police raid their house in the middle of the night and haul off one of their own.

All day long this family's house was surrounded by reporters, gawking neighbors, pointing and whispering and gesturing:

I knew they were terrorists with a last name like that.

They're foreigners - we should have known it was them.

I always knew there was something 'wrong' with that family.

The actions of an invidual should not refect upon his family - but they do. It is a sad fact that many people cannot separate this in their minds - and I worry what they will do in the name of 'patriotism'. When we dehumanize terrorists and terrorism, to make them monsters in the face of the media- we open the door for the poor treatment of relatives, religious and ethnic groups that people associate with their concept of terrorism. Prosecute those involved in acts of terror; but do not persecute them.

My son wanted to see his friend, to see how he was holding up with his brother being arrested. I gave him permission to go down there, and he waded through the reporters and gawkers to the door. Mrs. Abdullahu answered the door and told Steve to come back tomorrow. He will come back tomorrow, too. On the way back from the door, reporters swarmed around him and asked if he would make a statement - if he knew the Abdullahus, and what they were really like. Steve told them to leave the family alone, and that he had nothing to say. I was very proud of him.

"How could you let your son go over to the terrorist house?" I was asked.

I told them that there was no danger. The young man who was arrested for terrorism was no longer in the house. Steve went over there, not to gawk, stare, or speculate - but to support his friend. And would go back tomorrow, as well. And continue to visit his friend as he usually does - with both my permission and my support.

Am I thankful that these attacks were stopped before these men bought guns? Absolutely.
Am I fearful for my life, having lived so close to one of them? Absolutely not.

My new haircut - I let Jeanette and Brenda cut my hair. They did a good job, I think!

If you don't have kids, do yourself a great big favor right now and don't procreate. Get on the pill, have your tubes tied, snip and clip your 'little friend', tattoo a 'closed for business' sign over your groinal region - whatever you gotta do. Or at least, if you're going to have kids... have one. One is a nice number. One isn't really like having kids - he's got no one to fight with, and if something goes wrong, you know who to blame (unless, of course, you have a dog. Then chances are the kid will point at the dog).

Or if you're going to have more than one kid, space them out a bit. Do not under any circumstances have it so that you'll have more than one teenager living in your house at any given time. Trust me on this one. If I could go back in time and give myself this warning, I would.

Three is never a number teenagers should come in. Remember, there's only one of you - two, if you're lucky enough to have both parents home at all times. They outnumber you. They're devious, hormonally crazed, and out to get you for 'ruining their life'. How did you ruin their life? Well, the answer changes from day to day and can be everything from 'not giving me enough allowance' to 'not buying me a brand new car for my birthday' to 'making me do my homework'.

These past two days alone we've had the following crisises:

Steve and his friend having an argument with the substitute bus driver about their right to get off where they want to get off instead of their assigned stop.

Jeanette deciding to give up computers for lent... including doing any work in her computer class. No matter what teachers, principals, priest, and parents told her about it.

Brenda having 100 dollars worth of extra text messaging on her phone when she let a friend borrow it and that friend texted strange boys all over the country for seven hours straight.

That's in addition to the every day drama of who doesn't want to take out the trash, whose life is being ruined by not having ____ , who is fighting with who over territory/insults/boredom/possessions. It's like a three ring circus, and I'm the ringmaster. Step right up and watch the hormonally challenged next generation battle it out! I should sell popcorn at tickets to anyone brave enough to visit my house.

So remember - spaced out kids okay, one kid good, no kids better. At least as far as your future sanity is concerned.

And if you do have kids close together, enjoy them while they're young. Take as many pictures of their sweet smiling faces as you can - they'll help you not to kill them when puberty hits. Remember that in a decade or so (hopefully), things will balance out. Your kids will be all grown up, and possibly normal again. They'll smile and be happy to see you, and be friends with each other. At least, that's the hope I'm holding out for.

Man, I know our local fire company is volunteer, but hasn't anyone taught them manners?

Steve's volunteering with the fire company for his community service as part of his underage drinking incident. So the guy in charge I talked to on the phone was really nice, and I thought this would be a good thing. But when I got down there and brought Steve in, there was a room full of people (bunch of guys and two girls) who stared resentfully at us as we walked in. No "hello, can I help you?" or anything polite like that. When I said "Hi..." they stared some more. A cross between a 'don't even make me get up to fight your stupid fire' stare and a 'what the fuck are you doing here?' stare. Distinctly unwelcoming. So when I explained that Steve was here to do community service, they stared some more. Only when I said I'd talked to the guy in charge did they go get the chief. He was actually nice and told me where I could park and when I could pick him up, and that they'd have him call if he had to go home early because of a fire or something.

But wow. What happened to being polite to visitors?

Now I can't complain about the fire company not doing their job or anything. When I was in the accident, they were on the scene and they pried me out of my car and everything. I mean, they really do good things when they're on duty. But off duty, hanging around the firehouse... geeze. It was like being the new kid in high school and having to find a table at lunch or something. That kind of unwelcoming.

Good news

+ the music columnist writing job I sent in a sample for is calling me for a phone interview tomorrow! "Out of the hundreds of submissions we have selected a handful to move forward to the next stage, and we would like to invite you to move forward in this selection process. Our next step is to schedule an interview with you."

+ got my free copy of my novel , Tequila Sunset, from Lulu. Looks pretty good as a book! Now I have something to edit from and I don't have to print it all out myself.

+ got a sweet dayplanner from an after New Years calendar sale at the bookstore. It features antique maps.

+ acquired and played Super Scrabble - lots of fun! Quadruple word scores.

+ Olive Garden sausage soup... yummy!


Bad news

- did lots of advertising for salvation_road , got no new people signing up or watching the community. Sadness.

- stress level high, anxiety medication needs refill.

- demanding kids!

While we were being bombed in Dresden, sitting in a cellar with our arms over our heads in case the ceiling fell, one soldier said as though he were a duchess in a mansion on a cold and rainy night, "I wonder what the poor people are doing tonight." Nobody laughed, but we were still all glad he said it. At least we were still alive! He proved it. -- Kurt Vonnegut

That pretty much describes it right now.

The girls had their 16th birthday Sunday, we had the party at Fuddruckers. Two things were on my mind - one, how terribly fast time passed and how very old I was to have two sixteen year old daughters. How did that happen? It seems like not that long ago I was having my sixteenth birthday , at the house of my best friend - singing and laughing and eating too much cake , surrounded by the people I though I'd spend the rest of my life knowing - but didn't know anymore within a few short years. The other was thinking about all the times I'd had dinners at Fuddruckers with friends that I now no longer see, and wondering what, exactly, became of those friendships?

My brother Ron went outside to smoke and asked me to come with him so he'd have some company. I stood beside him and watched him enjoy the thing that's likely going to kill him. At least he's enjoying his likely future death. I guess there's something to be said for that, and he certainly won't listen to me when I tell him to quit. So we talked about a bunch of little things, nothing that really mattered all that much- but it was nice, just the same. Because it was just me and my brother, and it's hardly ever that. It hasn't really been just me and him hanging out ever since I've grown up, I don't think. I remember one time as a teenager, he took me to Hershey Park and we hung out together all day- just me and my brother. I wish we still had times like that, but there's so much going on our lives that there isn't time to. Joe, too- I don't really hang with him other than when we're all together for family stuff.

Today we took Steve for his court thing for the underage drinking incident- for which he got sentenced to community service. If he's good for a year, everything is dismissed and he's fine. I really hope he learns from this and doesn't do it again. I worry about him sometimes- he's not interested in school, but he's really smart. He loves to read and play chess and do things with the computer- but he's just too restless for so many things. And he has a hard time with his temper and judgment still sometimes. I see so much of myself in him, and I hope he learns before he makes some of the choices I did. I try to tell him, but I'm never sure if he's listening. But I tell him anyhow, because it's all I can do.

salvation_road may, in fact, start tomorrow.

12,873 words on the Nano-meter right now! Read it at tequila_sunset (join it, so you can read 'cause it's under the friends lock). There's a write-in tomorrow at Millville Staples from 6-8 - any of the NJ folk going? I heard they're giving away goodies!

Despite the chaotic crap that our home life can be (three teenagers = loads of 'fun') , I'm still writing - which is a good thing.



Look, it's a Philly picture! The rest are up here - http://www.labarc.com/Philly , but I'm too lazy to put them in the journal right now. I was still really tired today.

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	6.1
Mind:	6
Body:	5.2
Spirit:	5.7
Friends/Family:	7.1
Love:	9.1
Finance:	4.3
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

I think my life sucks worse than this indicates, considering I'm waiting for a phone call to pick my son up from the police station. He was staying over a friend's house, and the friend's mother went to bed and the kid decided to show Steve his mother's bar downstairs. They got drunk, wandered around the neighborhood totally wasted, and into the house of a girl that the other boy likes who called the police.

I went down there to sign the paperwork and yell at him, then the cops told me I could go home and wait for them to process him the rest of the way. They're not sure whether they're going to bring the kids to juvie or let them go home.

Having teenagers is so miserable. How did my parents ever get through raising me and my brothers? Mehhh...

Got the kids school shopping all finished - now we just need to order their bikes online. We're all going to get our glasses done on Thursday.

We also gave the kids some spending money to have fun with - the girls got some craft things and saved the rest of their money for later. Steve spent all his money on an electric guitar and has been playing Ironman (the one song he knows!) constantly, hehe. His friend Keith is supposed to teach him more songs - I hope it happens soon. We're now a three guitar household (two acoustics and this one), which is a bit excessive considering the only song any of us knows how to play is Ironman. But considering that one acoustic we got very cheaply and the other was found in the trash and restrung, it's not as bad as all that.

The big thing I got was a new laptop - just a cheapish Toshiba Satellite, but it serves the purpose of what I want to do with it well. Now I can work on my stories from anywhere, woo! I'm so excited. Oh and an ionic air purifier, which cleared my sinus problem up like instantly. Go ions!

Today we dropped in to my favorite store, the Goodwill. Today's thrifty bargains were the following CDs for one dollah each:

3 doors down - The Better Life
Bush - Sixteen Stone
City of Angels Soundtrack
Credence Clearwater Revival - Greatest hits
Dishwalla - Pet Your Friends
Garbage - Self titled
Harvey Danger- Where have all the merrymakers gone?
Third Eye Blind - Self titled
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers - Greatest Hits
U2- The Best of 1980-1990

We also got a universal AC adapter (one dollah), and a book on native Americans for the kids (one dollah).

You Are 67% Grown Up, 33% Kid

Congratulations, you are definitely quite emotionally mature. Although you have your moments of moodiness, you're usually stable and level headed.

Brenda took me out to lunch today with her babysitting money- she was so proud! We had hamburgers and shakes at Fuddruckers, then played some games in the arcade.

After that, we went to the pet store - which made me pretty sad, really. There were beta fish in tiny tiny cups - some of them were clearly dying. One poor fish had all white flaky scales and couldn't really even get up off the bottom of the cup to get air without great difficulty. He wasn't long for the world, poor thing- and had probably lived out his days in that little cup. So sad. And the hermit crabs were in cages with harsh bright lights and no water in their sponges. Some of them looked pretty dried out, and may have been dead. There were no shells for them to change into. Most of the fish tanks were pretty dirty, and the mice and bunnies were pretty overcrowded. It was pretty distressing. We picked up and patted some of the bunnies - a large one clawed me though, obviously displeased with me calling him a cute little bunbun.

We went to gamestop and checked out some of the games, then picked up Aus from work and came on home. Now I'm just relaxing.

Well, today's almost certain to suck.

My sinuses and back are both acting up, and I've got to drive a car full of kids and my mother an hour away to do hours and hours worth of shopping.

I hate shopping and I feel like I want to vomit already.

Yay.

All the kids are going to the shore for the weekend - so I should get some good writing time in. I'm looking forward to that.

Right now, trying to get motivated to do something or another - but I think I just feel like relaxing. That's okay too.

Jeanette came home, though she's a bit cranky. Today her and Steve decided to dye their hair purple with that wash-out dye, so I have two purple haired kids. Brenda's down the shore, or it would have likely been three.

Today we FINALLY got stuff off to the post office - so Amy, be expecting your game soon! Sorry it took so long.

The Elected did really well on Jimmy Kimmel last night- there's a video of it on YouTube if you didn't happen to catch it.

Jeanette is staying over her friend's house for a lot of the summer so far. It's nice, she's having fun and they're doing things. But she keeps calling home like about two or three times a day, asking us when we want her to come home. I said that she should have fun, enjoy herself and when she's ready to come home call and we'll pick her up. Her grandma said the same thing. But she keeps calling and it's getting rather irritating. I suggested I could come and get her today if she wanted. She said "Noooo..." I said "How about Sunday? You could stay for the rest of the week?" and she said "I don't knowwwww". So I said "Well, pick a day you want to come home and I'll come and get you, whether it's today or next week or whenever. Just have fun, and when you miss home or you're ready to come home or you're done having fun, call me up and I'll come and get you." So she got pissed off and hung up on me. Oy.

I think she wants us to say that we all miss her and that we can't go on without her or something dramatic like that. Well... for one, it's hard to miss her when she calls three times a day. And for two - they're 15 now, they should be out doing their own thing and quite frankly it's nice when they're out doing their own thing because it's very quiet and peaceful at home and I can get some work and writing done.

Brenda's been babysitting and enjoying the money she's making from it. Last night she went to youth group and stayed over a friend's house, so she's having fun, too. I think she's going down the shore with my brother this week, too.

Steve is getting hugely tall. He's only 13, and he's already about five nine, maybe five ten. I think he's going to be taller than me, which is good, because I'm tired of being the tallest person in the family anyhow. There's a young lady that calls to talk to him every night, but he insists that she's just his friend. He's been spending a lot of his summer swimming and biking and fishing with his friends.

Mushrooms are growing in the yard again - the big white kinds with the flat tops. I think they're pretty. Many years ago when I was just a little kid, my father decided that we should have grass here even though grass doesn't naturally want to grow with our sandy soil. So he bought rolls of sod grass, and stretched it out across the yard. The grass grew all thick and lush (and chock full o'mushrooms!) for about a year, maybe two. Then the grass started to die out, and there was nothing but the natural sand and weeds. But the shrooms stayed. The shrooms come back every year, and I look forward to seeing them. There's the big white ones in the summer, and closer to fall we get the little brown capped ones.

I'm feeling a bit better today. I went out and ran some errands, though I'm still not feeling up to much involving effort. I may try to write something, or work on a website - then again, I might just lie down and read or watch a documentary.

Simkees update over at lsims - at least I'm writing something! I haven't been in much of a writing mood lately- it's been all outdoors stuff, and crochet, and the jigsaw puzzle... hands-on stuff. I tend to go through phases like that, so eventually it will be back to writing again. I have learned a lot of new crochet stitches, though!

I have also been playing Kingdom Hearts II - though Aus has to help me with the hard parts.

The kids have been really good this week so far, knock on wood. Steve has even been helpful around the house- he did some straightening and cleaning to earn some extra spending money for the book fair at school. He wants to get a book on skateboarding and one on snakes. Brenda is going over her boyfriend's house for the first time on Thursday - even though he goes to the same school as she does, he lives all the way in Mays Landing. Jeanette just got a new hair cut over at her firend's house, and is busy trying to keep her hair super straight (good luck on that- we all have curly hair! she's got curly hair genes)


( A joke stolen from Rick's journal... )

Aus is home from work this week - the doctors gave him the time off due to the migraines. He's feeling a bit better with the resting and all.

Today my mom, me, Brenda, Steve and Steve's friend Alex went to Batsto. It was a nice day to be outdoors. I've been doing pretty good with my goal of getting more exercise. I've been also trying to remember to eat more healthy foods- and now that the easter remains are finally gone, it's a bit easier.

I still haven't done half the things on my to-do list, though.

( Some pictures from today, and a couple of days ago.... )

Here's what I did over the weekend...

Friday - went to my monthly poetry meeting, and read my poems. Obviously a poor choice of poems because I got the "I-don't-get-it" look, sigh. I did, however, get asked what my favorite cookie is and what colors I liked in anticipation of next Friday when I do the reading. They're going to have cookies! Joy! Yes, I am that easy to please. We then went out to dinner with Aunt Marie and Uncle Leon. The waiter was 18, and very young and enthusiastic about it. He wanted to own his own restaurant by 26. Good luck to him on that, here's hoping he remains youthful and optimistic as long as he can. Uncle Leon made a math error that turned into a two hour debate...and he called to say he was sorry, his bad, afterward, haha. Math happens.

Saturday- ...what the hell did I do on Saturday? Not too much, it's like a whole day where I didn't do hardly anything at all. I took Steve to get a new pair of shoes because his feet are growing at astronomical rates, just like the rest of him. He's only 13, but he's already about 5'8" tall and towering over both sisters. At least genetics got it right this generation - I'm taller than both of my brothers. It's somewhat awkward being a six foot tall woman in the best of circumstances. Oh, and I also inherited the fat genes from my father's side of the family. Thanks, ancestors. But yeah, this generation seems to have avoided all that thusfar. If we were Sims, the legacy line would be strong. Go us!

Sunday- Aus had to work, and my mom and the girls went down the shore to celebrate easter with the rest of the relatives. This included a 40 minute (in each direction) car ride with my brother Ron's annoying bitchy wife. Oh, yes, so sorry I missed out on that one. Steve stayed home with me , and we watched movies and made Rice Crispie Treats. He artistically sculpted a middle finger out of his, complete with a squished jelly bean as fingernail. It was a proud moment. We watched Atlantis, The Road to El Dorado, Chicken Run, and South Park (the movie). I like not doing the whole holiday thing. Mom came home with food, which I consumed without any of the bother of being around a large group of relations and pseudo-relations. My brother Joe also gave me an easter illy. It smells and I dislike it immensely because it triggers my allergies, but I suspect I will like it much better when I plant it outside because it is very pretty. Do they come up again next year? I could look it up, but my usual strategy of "shove it in the ground and wait for the surprise" seems to have served me well so far. No need to change.

Monday- The therapist came over and talked to us about setting goals for getting along better as a family and so on. It was difficult to get cooperation from two-out-of-three of the kids, so that was a little annoying, though at least we made some progress there. Other than that, not too much happened.

Today I'm just relaxing as it is Aus's day off. I don't know if I'll do anything in particular, but that'ts quite all right by me. I should pick out and practice some poems for Friday, yes indeed. And get the recording equipment ready. Oh, and unjam the printer - that was annoying the other day when I tried to print something out and the paper got all stuck up into it. Grrr. Printers are evil, I swear.

Today is a beautiful day. I am feeling better and listening to music and re-reading To Kill A Mockingbird. Jeanette has to read it for English class. She doesn't want to read it because "It's so boring" according to her classmates who have read it. Sad, really. She was on page...two. They have to read to page 70 by April 5th, poor kids. I'm on page 62 and I picked it up about an hour ago. I remember having to read this in school, but I really liked it. I still do. It makes me sad sometimes that the girls won't read anything unless it's assigned, and then they try to read as little as possible and still be able to pass. They find no pleasure in reading at all. Steve at least enjoys reading - he'll read sci-fi and fantasy books, and books on history and things that interest him.

I considered getting the movie of To Kill A Mockingbird for her to watch to get her interested in the story, but that would just encourage her not to read the book, I think.

Apologies for not having been much for playing games or conversations lately - I've been going through a kind of an introverted phase. I feel like doing solitary things at the moment, playing Sims, writing, reading books, listening to music. I'm sure I will feel social again soon.