Yesterday started off well enough - we went with a friend to Adventure Aquarium and had a good time. It was very tiring, even though I was in a wheelchair for most of the experience. I still don't have the strength back from my prolonged illness, and it was better just to accept defeat ahead of time instead of becoming completely exhausted and collapsing halfway through. For those who are planning on going there - please do yourself a favor and buy your tickets online. The line for buying at the tickets at the window stretched around the block. The Will Call line for picking up tickets purchased online had five people in it. No joke. Fortunately our friend had her work laptop with her, which has one of those aircard thingys - so we were able to use it to order tickets right there in the parking lot. We even got a special deal where we got meal vouchers included. Then we sauntered on up to the Will Call line and got in right away.

The aquarium's nice - I haven't been there since my kids were fairly small. They no longer have a package deal where you can go to the battleship/children's garden/aquarium all at once - now they just offer a package for battleship and aquarium or aquarium and ride the ducks. Not that we wanted to do a package deal right then anyhow, but it's a shame because my kids always liked the children's garden when they were small and now they don't package with the aquarium at all so even though it's right there, it's a separate admission.

They have some beautiful fish at the aquarium- and other animals too. We got to see hippos, penguins, and birds in addition to the sea creatures. You can take a virtual tour on their website if you want to see.

We have some pictures up here - still have to put them in a proper album.

Bad news was that when we got home, we got a call from the police that they had arrested my son. It's an incredibly long and stupid story as to what he was actually doing, but it was definitely not what I needed to come home to deal with. After a very long and annoying station visit, we finally got to go home. Then they called me again not an hour later, saying they had Steve's bike and I had to come and pick that up! I was thoroughly exhausted at that point, and was fortunately able to get them to drop it off at the house instead. So his bike got a police escort home, heh. That's really the only amusing part of that whole story - and now I'm going to have to go to court with him at some point in the future. Hopefully they will give him some community service and 'stop being stupid' advice, and not fine him because since he is a minor guess who that means has to pay the fine for his stupidity? God I can't wait until he's 18. 13 months to go on that, and yes I am looking forward to the day when he, like his sisters, is responsible for his own dumb actions and I no longer have to be.

Today I was still relatively exhausted, but I needed some things from the store. I wound up losing my grip on a gallon of milk, which I dropped onto the floor - very embarrassing. Unsurprisingly, my blood pressure is up again, new medication or no - and my anxiety levels are through the roof as well. Am spending the rest of today resting, and hopefully I will get no phone calls telling me any more bad news.

Oh, and joy - there is some sort of foul smell in my bedroom here (likely a lost stinky sock that didn't make it into the laundry, or some other such) that I can't quite locate. And I'm way too tired to tear the place apart and track it down. Febreze it is.

Haven't felt up to writing much, been kind of depressed and dealing with family drama.

All three kids have currently moved out - which on the one hand is a big relief as they are the cause of so much stress. On the other hand, it is disappointing how much they are pretty much wasting their lives and going nowhere. But they are old enough now that what consequences they face as a result are on their own. I tried as much as I can and now it's up to them to either fix their problems and get on with their lives or continue sliding downward.

My brother is currently visiting from Virginia, which is nice. He'll be here until June 10th.

This Saturday's is my mother's 80th birthday party. My birthday is June 13th and I'll be 39. Time flies!

I've been enjoying playing a game called Kitten Sanctuary. Very cute and fun. Cats get kidnapped by aliens and you have to rescue them and take care of them in a kitten sanctuary.



EDITED TO ADD:
Have spread the Kitten Sanctuary addiction to Aus, Jess, and Nathan. Muaha...

Nathan: Oh, unrelatedly, kitten-stealing aliens are cockbags, and don't let them tell you otherwise.
Aus:Well, yes, they are. They're tentacle monsters and they want pussy. What do you expect?

Yesterday was a very good day - we went to Atlantic City to see The 88 and B52's in concert at House of Blues. We decided to make a day of it, and went to do other things in the city before the show.



First was the Atlantic City aquarium, where I got to feed manta rays and pet all kinds of cute little sea creatures. They are a small aquarium, but have some really nice fishes, amphibians, and reptiles in the space they have. There are two floors of critters and then an observation deck overlooking the ocean on the third floor. Very fun. See more pictures on Facebook - album 1, two, three.


Next we went to Ripley's Believe it or not on the boardwalk. Admission is kind of expensive (15 dollars), but there were a lot of things to see and it was very fun. I got a little book and some sort of Ripley card game that I have to actually take a look at today - didn't have much time yesterday, too busy doing things. They had all kinds of neat things there - even the famous Fiji mermaid! See more pictures on Facebook album 1, album 2, three.

I got a psychic reading - palm reading - on the boardwalk for the hell of it. Man, that thing was actually scary accurate - don't really feel like getting into the details but a combination of good-and-bad things. Then we had some pizza, and took one of those rolling wicker chair taxis over to the House of Blues (which is in Showboat). The guy who took us over was also going to the show, and he sung some B52s songs on the way, and gave us a tour of all the boardwalk musicians we passed - was fun. We saw him later during the show and he came over and said hi - he was a little drunk by then but still funny.
Boardwalk pictures



A little worry at the show as the guest list wasn't down when we arrived, but it came down and then we got our tickets - they gave us balcony seats right over center stage. Really nice seats! First act they had on was actually... a Rockband. Really. They won some Rockband competition to get to open for the B52s. They played a video about the competition before the band took the stage - it was basically a huge commercial for Rockband. Amusing, though, in a way. Then The 88 came on - and wow, they are good live. So much energy! A lot more upbeat than some of the concerts we see too, which was really nice. Good vibes. After The 88's set, we went down to the merch table to hang with Adam while the B52s where on. He gave me a cd and some assorted such, and a poster that he had the rest of his band come sign too. Also got a picture with with him, then with everyone after the show. They're all nice folks. Concert pictures

Today woke up pretty sore from all the running about yesterday, and all three kids gave me squat for mother's day. Brenda at least has a healthy sense of self-preservation and offered to take me out to dinner later in the week. Jeanette, in her usual lack of decorum, spent most of the day screaming about how we should give her things. Steve didn't even show up or call. I got my mom a set of Laurel and Hardy statues and a roomba vacuum (which is still on the way).

Tomorrow the shed should arrive, and then we can start hauling inventory out into it, then starting the book business up again. Go books.

When watching a news special on how furniture can tip over and kill children, it's not polite to root for evolution, is it? Yet...

If little Billy's dumb enough to pull the tv over on himself, his stupid genes don't get passed on to the next generation. Everyone wins! I think coddling is half the reason we have so many dumb people. It's harder and harder to die from your own stupidity as time goes on and we put warning labels on more and more things, and have these specials on how to protect our precious children from any number of threats real and imagined.

Therefore more dumb people survive to breeding age each generation.

And because they're dumb, they often pop out massive numbers of children, each probably as intellectually incapable as the parent.

Dammit, I want to go back to the days of lead based paint and sharp toys that could choke a bitch. We survived those in childhood therefore we earned the right to pass on our genes.

There has been little I've had to say lately, and part of that I suppose comes from the dullness of the routine - the back and forth a million times a day driving kids and husband and mother to where they need to go. It is very easy now to lose track of individual days, sometimes even weeks go by and I make no tracking of one day as any different from any other.

Today something happened.

Jeanette had a seizure outside her workplace, just as we were pulling up in fact to pick her up for a doctor's appointment (she hadn't been feeling well). She was lying there convulsing on the ground surrounded by her co-workers, and there was a sort of surrealism to it like sound and sight and all just spiraled and distorted. There is just something that happens when you see your child lying there on the ground and you think about when they were born and how this might be the last moment you will see them and all the things you fight about seem petty and insignificant. There are a lot of times when I do not like how the kids are right now, these teenage years and their attitudes of entitlement and how they are often rather belligerent and self-centered. But still, there is the hope that you will have years beyond these times in which things can balance and normalize and at least get back to some semblance of the affection you had for each other in younger years.

And in a moment you wonder if you have lost that chance forever, and then she comes out of it and you release a breath you didn't realize you were holding and you will know that you love this child no matter what shitty things she says to you on a nearly continual basis because that is just the way of things.

My father died as the weather was turning warm, as the flowers were starting to bloom and life was renewing itself. I always thought that a particularly ironic time to die, and at this time of year my thoughts ever turn to death and really I thought I would be more likely to be the one lying on the ground having a near-death because of all the problems I have. You never think it will be your child. Old people sure, you expect it somewhat, and when you are sickly yourself you kind of think about the possibility. But not a kid, not you kid.

It's like that.

Nathan visited us for a few days last week. That was really nice. I went to the Bus Stop Cafe, and my friend Joey was performing there and asked me to come up and read one of my poems during his set and I did with him and his friends providing background music. That was really nice. There have been some good times, some points of light. I am writing a lot. I am still working on my German (plucking away at the new language, word by word). We have purchased our shed and it will be on the way soon and we have a sort of business plan.

Hanging in there, though sometimes it's a lot more 'hang' and a lot less 'in'.

Tomorrow's agenda includes finding a neurologist then figuring out how we're going to pay for one.

Valentine's day was nice, but I was sick so it was a little hard to enjoy as much as I would have liked. I got Aus a nice jacket and some boxer shorts (Family Guy, South Park, Scarface, and Mario, hehe) and some candy. He got me a singing card (it plays My Girl), candy, and a stuffed animal. He also said he is going to get me satellite radio when we can afford it (because I keep complaining about how the radio around here sucks, hah).

Today the sinus problem I have been having got so bad I went to the emergency room - they gave me a cat scan and sure enough, I have sinusitis - they're pretty much all plugged up, too. Like every sinus cavity I have? Not functioning. I have to take three weeks of antibiotics, and they gave me vicodin for the pain. I have an appointment with my doctor on Thursday. They also said my blood pressure was up. I need to drink lots of fluids (overhydrate, they said) and said I should get plenty of rest (hah! around here? Not likely).

Now Aus, being a good husband, called work and asked if he could work from home for the next couple of days so I wouldn't have to drive and so he could look after me. His work agreed to that, so yay.

Jeanette, being the spoiled brat that she is, screamed and bitched about how I wasn't really 'that sick!' and and I 'better be taking her to work in the morning because oh my god who cares what you need!' There are times when I really dislike the people I gave birth to an awful lot. I really hope they grow out of it to be nice people someday - but sadly I am getting less and less sure that will ever happen. They're really not pleasant to live with at all, hardly ever now - the older they get, the more unpleasant they get. The girls are 18 now (as they remind us on a continual basis usually followed by 'so I don't have to listen to you' followed by some expletive), so you think they'd be acting in a more adult manner. When I was 18, I had a job down at the casino and I was working 40 hours plus overtime, and getting myself to work. They.. hang around, mooch, borrow money for cigarettes when they blow through their paychecks, are grateful for nothing and fight with each other and us on a near continual basis. Very stressful and definitely not helpful in the current situation at all.

I have been ravenously hungry and I feel like no matter how much I drink, it isn't enough. Probably from my body trying to fight this off.

My girls turned 18 yesterday - I feel old.

I can also now say that I have puked in the Olive Garden. How many of you can claim that?

Here are some 'gems' from the music my daughters listen to - four songs I heard while driving them around today. Because I am nice, I let them listen to their music on the radio while we drive - but.. it's really starting to get to me. Am I just getting old to that point where I hate my kids music just on principal, or is this just completely crap? It's physically painful for me to listen to it- headache inducing. It's just that bad to me.



1. I don't remember enough of the lyrics from this one to look it up, but the line that sticks out clearly is "my nig name is wig wig"

2. I'm talkin' big boy rides
And big boy ice
Let me put this big boy in yo life
The thang get so wet, it hit so right
Let me put this big boy in yo life
That's right
Yeah I want'cho body, I need yo body
Long as you got me you won't need nobody
You want it I got it, go get it I buy it
Tell'em other broke jokers be quiet

3.If I were a boy
I could turn off my phone
Tell evveryone it’s broken
So they’d think that I was sleepin’ alone
I’d put myself first
And make the rules as I go

4.Womanizer
Woman-Womanizer
You're a womanizer
Oh Womanizer
Oh You're a Womanizer Baby
You, You You Are
You, You You Are
Womanizer, Womanizer, Womanizer

Boy don't try to front I (I) know just (just) what you are (are are)

I need to try and make tomorrow a writing day. I'm still ahead of the game, but the past few days have been non-productive and I don't want to fall behind on things. I am 29% done, so I can't give up now!

Some stressful things with the kids going on that I don't really want to get into right now because thinking about it will only make me upset again.

I also seem to have caught a cold from my brother, which is making me feel all run down.

Tomorrow though, I will find time to write! Los of writing goodness will occur. Or

14266 / 50000 words. 29% done!

I picked up a new game for my DS - Mystery Case Files: Millionheir . Only twenty bucks, not a bad deal. I've played and enjoyed the Mystery Case Files series on the PC, so I was looking forward to trying this one. It's pretty sweet. Makes use of a lot of capacities of the DS, and has some nice touches - like when you use the x-rayer to search for clues and you run it over a cat or dog or some such, you see their skeleton. It's a nice distraction for my stress.

I'm also reading a book called Ordinary Heroes by Scott Turow - about a son who looks into his father's WWII record and finds an amazing story. It's neat as it is told in both the present time from the son's perspective, and in the past when the father was young and in the war. What the geek in me really likes is that they even set a different typeface for the father's sections and the son's. Not glaringly obvious (my mother didn't notice when she read the book) but I noticed, and thought it a good technique.

charloft is going well, I think. Lots of people having lots of fun. I am answering a lot of the prompts for heil_hans my immortal ex-Nazi who is eating my brain at the moment, and so_necromantic my necromancer / Nano main character.

4,387 words of my NaNo novel are done so far - posted in heckromancy in two scenes. Remember you must join the community to read (it's quick and painless, promise), because it is posted friends only.

Today I have such a ridiculous schedule - I'm glad I had the time to sit down and actually write a second scene (I did the first last night after midnight). I took Aus to work (overtime ftw!) , then came back and took Brenda to work, then I have to pick Aus up, take Jeanette to a group job interview at the Hamilton Mall, then come back and pick Brenda up, then go pick Jeanette up from the interview. All this while Jeanette is busy screaming about how she should get to go to Olive Garden while she's at the mall, omg, how can we have other things to do this sucks and we're so unfair. Never mind anything I might have actually wanted to get done.

Try writing with THAT going on.

My son Steve skating - one of his friends just posted this.

1. I have decorated my journal for Halloween!

2. We have a new fishie - his name is Hydro, and he's a crowntail hybrid betta with red/turquoise/green scales.

3. Today, I found a toy (a squeaky octopus) from my childhood. It is a thirty-some year old squeaky toy - it still squeaks, too. Yay octopus!

4. Today we saw Steve getting a backrub from a girl. We asked if he was dating the girl, and he replied "Mom, lots of girls give me backrubs- I don't date them all."

5. I have decided to write Summer's Last Stand as my Nano project. Thanks to all who weighed in with comments, IMs, and emails. I even got an email from my friend Bernd in Germany. I didn't even knew he read my LJ. Hi Bernd!

Well, our poor old betta fish died today. I changed his water and he flipped out and had a fishie seizure and died. I feel guilty, like I somehow caused his death by stressing him out - but at the same time he was old for a betta and he'd been sickly for a while so I know that's the real reason.

The kids have also been acting like complete jerks lately - it's really very stressful.

Aus's job is going well so far though - today they did some computer training, and he said their systems were acting up a bit but what he learned was easy enough to follow.

I need to find some quiet time to work on interviews and reviews. But it seems that by the time I get a moment's peace, I'm so exhausted from the stress that there's nothing I can do anyhow.

Well, the doctor's visit yesterday went mostly okay - the kids were kind of impatient and really difficult to deal with in the waiting room, but at least we got seen. The doctor increased my anxiety medication (double the dosage of what it was before) so we'll see if that does any good. As it is, I'm to the point where any undue stress (anything from sudden noises to kids bitching at me) has my heart palpitating, my hands shaking, and if it continues long enough, results in me curling up and crying. So I hope this does some good so I can function to get everything else I need to do done.

They also switched my back medication to something called Flexeril, which is on the four dollar generic list which means I can afford it. What I don't like about it though is that it makes me tired and disoriented. Maybe that will change when I get used to it, but if it doesn't I will just have to take it when the pain is excruciatingly bad only or else I'll never get anything else done.

Jeanette is complaining that we have 'no food in the house'. Of course, this translates to 'nothing she feels like making/eating'. I was making hot dogs on wheat bread and corn on the cob for dinner, and asked her if she wanted that - and she said EW NO, I can't eat a HOT DOG, that's gross! So I asked if she wanted corn and a sandwich of some sort (tomato on toast with mayo, or peanut butter and jelly) and she looked at me like I had grown a second head. We also have soup, macaroni and cheese, spaghetti, hamburgers, cereal, ramen, various cans of vegetables, eggs, pancake mix, ground meat, frozen sausages, oatmeal, popcorn chicken, rice, and probably a few other things that I've forgotten to mention. Yes, we don't have as much variety as we usually do and yes, we are OUT OF TUNA (which was said like it was the end of the world) but right now this is the best we can do. She knows how to cook, so she could easily prepare any of those foods if she didn't want what we were having for dinner. She then proceeded to harass her grandmother to share some dinner (grandma was making meatball sandwiches and soup) and then proceeded to tell her she didn't want any of the 'icky old brown gravy' or 'that soup with the gross beans'. Grrrrr.

Other than that, things are okay. I need to make a few phone calls tomorrow (to the kids' school, to see if I can find any more resources for us at the moment, to social security about that missing card, and Aus should probably call /check in about the unemployment thing). I need to write a book review for Superdove now that I finished it (good book!) on Gather. I could stand to write a column too, but it's hard with the laptop being dysfunctional and with my back pain being so high (using the big computer for long periods of time is difficult). Plus depression saps my creativity. I also need to gather our paperwork and such for the appointment on the 25th, and make sure we have everything we need while there's still time to figure out how to obtain anything we might be missing. I also need to make Eben's fan page on Facebook, and do some other assorted little band things. Aus has been doing a lot of that but there's some things (like making things pretty, and such) that are my job.

I need to check in with Bev and see what's new with the comic, and talk to her about the webpage and such for it.

On the upside though, I managed to make a couple of posts today and even put up some pictures of my Sims on vacation (I need a few happy distractions!).

So how's everyone else doing?

It's that time of the year again and I have three teenagers going back to school. Unfortunately, our income is still very limited but the kids all need clothes and supplies for back to school. Does anyone have any good ideas on what to do to get my kids some decent clothing for school when the money I have to spend is extremely low (we're talking probably 100 at the most and that's for three kids)?

Here's what I've thought of so far:

• Writing down all their current sizes and checking Freecycle / Craigslist to see if anyone has a teen that's outgrown clothing in their size.


• Checking Goodwill and other thrift stores.


• Checking Wal-Mart and other department type stores for clearance items.


• Buying shoes during the buy-one-get-one-half-price sale at Payless.


• Yard sales.

Is there anything else I'm not thinking of? Any suggestions welcome!

As far as school supplies go, we stocked up on notebooks and pencils and such at the end of last years back to school season when they were cheap - but we'll still need a few other things, so any school supply shopping hints are welcome too.

Also, if you're looking for a book or two, please consider buying it from our Half.com store . You'll be helping three kids get school clothes / supplies!

It seems like just yesterday that Brenda was into Barbie dolls.

Now she's excited about running down hookers in Grand Theft Auto.

My brain thinks there must be some logical correlation.

So yesterday, I decided to try bringing the Wii out to see how the relatives reacted to it.

Thanks to Wii, our family gathering went really well. Everyone played together, and had a blast. We played bowling, baseball, shooting- and some retro games , pac man and Super Mario 3. Everyone had something they enjoyed playing, and everyone was amazed by how wireless and cool wii was.

And since they were so busy with that, they were't busy being obnoxious to each other, or me. No one fought, no one did anything crazy - things went really well.

I need to write a column this weekend, but I am full of lazy today. I didn't even get up until two! I also have to write the next scene of What Simon Said, because I have the next couple of parts clearly in mind now. I also ( x 3) have to post the next portion of Victor Charlie, and do some more writing on that with Aus. Again, I have the next part in mind - just been a combination of lazy/busy/distracted so haven't written it.

The kids seem entranced with the fact that Aus will have to cut his hair and shave his beard to interview for jobs. Steve says that he shouldn't cut it TOO short because that is 'giving in to the man'. Jeanette had a bunch of haircut suggestions, including that he should get it cut short but 'long enough to spike' so he could have 'cool spikey hair' on the weekends (she even offered that he could share her hair gel). Brenda said that she thought he would look all responsible with the suit and haircut. They all want to know if Dad gets a good job if that means they get more for Christmas. So I think they have a vested interest in his interview success.

I am eating a donut that looks like a butthole.


Oh, and tomorrow is Halloween, and I have a playlist of Halloween songs in my column this week, so you should check it out.

And at midnight... the noveling begins.

Aus passed his second Microsoft certification test today- only one more to go!

We are going to be homeschooling Steve because it just seems like the best solution to everything at this point.

A certain website owner was forced to take down his douchery and I am much happier now.

The kid who had the book last year left behind this note. If this is an indication of the average eighth grade literacy...

Text is italicized / bolded to show the two different handwritings found in the note.

Who do you love DJ?

a girl.

who be that girl?

a girl.

who is she? name please.
I promise not to tell

I don't know. I just askin.

so you don't love me?

I wove u but not inthat way.

=(

but I still love u.

k. we married now =)

k.

yay!!

(yay is circled by 'DJ')

what?

yay

ok

Some good things happened today :

Unemployment released Aus's checks so we are non-broke again, yay!

I got a Rilo Kiley care package today - gatefold vinyl of the new album, 7 inch vinyl single (it's green!) of The Moneymaker / Dragging Around , promo cd (in the record) , and CD. Unfortunately my record player is currently buried under about three tons of books. I need to dig it out someday so I can listen.

Bad part of the day was Jeanette deciding she needed a sandwich from WaWa now that I had money again, and then kicking a hole in my door (and knocking the shelf off the back of it in the process) when I wouldn't come out and stop writing to take her 'right right now!'. I swear sometimes they're regressing. Anyone want a teenager or three? They're so dreadful. Needless to say, I didn't go get her a sandwich after that behavior - which made her scream at the top of her lungs about how not fair it was, because I 'made her do it' by 'not coming out right away'.

The sinuses feel like they may be getting better - I can breathe sometimes now, though the headache and pain in the face are pretty bad a lot of the time.

Saturday's my niece's wedding - which I still don't want to go to. It's two hours away from home and taking place at 11 am.

My car window problem fixed itself - apparently, whatever glitched in the window unglitched and we were able to roll it up. Not taking any chances by rolling it down again.

Three concerts that I'm going to try and go to coming up - Rilo Kiley ( Sept 25th at the Trocadero in Philly) , Ozma ( Sept 28 at the Starland Ballroom in Sayerville, NJ) and Ozma again ( Oct 1st at the Electric Factory in Philly). RK is a headlining show - Ozma is opening for Blue October and Yellowcard. If anyone in the area wants to come with us, let me know and you can come along with - especially if you're willing to drive, 'cause I sooo hate the driving in the city.